Hello, It's Me Again!

It's been more than 2 years this blog hiatus.

And now I'm come back on 2021 with many tragedy in this world. Cause I know this blog such a diary for me with no one would read it then it could be okay if I tell a story to my self about what have been trough.

Yes, we all know pandemic had been coming since 2020 and our life became plunge into the abyss.

Also do to me, I never thought this pandemic, more precisely on early 2021 brought me to meet psychologist. No one knows, except two people from my friends that gave me some convenience for me to tell anything that happen to my life. It's such a deep valley and no one here beside me to tell me it's okay. I kept dreaming about bad things, couldn't sleep, laid down on the floor, crying became my last name, so much worst day that I never thought I have to through all of that shit. I'm trying to find someone who can giving me some spirit, I did some snapgram, tweet something that was in my mind, and no one there also the one that I thought "my boyfriend". He didn't.  At least, had some words like 

"Are you okay? I'm sorry if your day doesn't look as well as you wish. I'm here if you want to share what you feel. Sometimes our life are a mess, but it's okay we through all of that shit together okay?" 

But then I have to understand everyone has their own problem and I'm not the center of the world. 

And have u ever pray to God and wishing for His guidance to pass strongly every step of this world? Then He gives you many blockade on your way? And what's on my mind are

"Am I have that truly huge sin? I'm sorry with what I do. Are God angry with me? with what I have done? Don't leave me alone, I only have God"

Some months after I took some consultation, everything is slowly going back, I can control my self.

But then, here I am now. I write this story, trying to blow up my heart rant, off course to my self cause right now I don't meet anyone could really wants to hear my sadness. Pathetic, I am telling my story to my self. All the story that I keep with me, my storage was full. All family problem, all this shitty work, all the disbelief people with me, all the hatters, please go off, I need some times to process all of this. 2 days of weekend well cannot bring me back, and I hate that. I hate my self. I hate for being cannot do a thing. I want to come back to who I am. I need the old me. 

Thanks me, for want to listen my story, I appreciate your spend time to write this. At least, some tears can come out after a long time you keep it secret. I know sometimes is hard when you know you want to cry but you can't and hey, now you are making some progress, you cry.